From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Alcohol Use—or Overuse?

Alcohol Use—or Overuse? Screening Questions to Consider

Have you ever wondered if, or been told that, you drink too much? Contrary to popular opinion, there are standards by which professional therapists measure and diagnose whether or not your use falls into troublesome levels. These standards are based on research produced by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

 It’s not just drinking daily-- if it’s no more than 1 daily drink a week for a woman and two for a man, it’s generally not considered problematic—but also HOW MUCH at one time. So, even if you only drink once a month, IF you drink in excess of more than 4 drinks for a man or 3 for a woman in one day, you can be considered alcohol-dependent, have alcohol related problems, or be at risk. Medical, behavioral, and family history will all be taken into consideration. Further testing, such as the SASSI (Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory) may be done by your therapist.

Fill out this form below and submit to your therapist for further evaluation. Take that first step toward your best YOU!

On average, how many days a week do you drink alcohol? ____________

On a typical day when you drink, how many do you have? ____________

On any given day, what is the maximum number of drinks you had in the past month? _________

Have you ever felt you should CUT DOWN on your drinking?  Yes  No ____

Have people ANNOYED you by criticizing your drinking? Yes  No   _______

Have you ever felt bad or GUIILTY about your drinking? Yes   No _______

Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

 YesNo _______

If YES to any of these: has this occurred in the past YEAR?  Yes   No ______

Are You Making the Most of Therapy?

If you're struggling or stuck, counseling may be a good way to get a new perspective, move forward positively and protect your well-being. And if you're living with a mental health condition, seeing a therapist may be a key part of your treatment plan.

Are you in talk therapy or considering it? These tips can help you make the most of it:

1. Set goals
Be sure your therapist knows what you hope to achieve. For example, perhaps you want to:

Find ways to cope with strong emotions, such as grief
Change behaviors that are making you unhappy
Build healthier relationships
Better manage stress, anxiety or depression
Explore or navigate a major life change 

2. Discuss a timeline
It will depend on your needs and goals. Ask your therapist how you'll work together on your goals and how long you might need counseling services. Some issues are chronic or take longer than others to work through. But in other cases, people might feel that they're making progress after just a few sessions.

3. Be honest
Sometimes, talking about personal problems can be uncomfortable. But the more open you are about your true feelings and experiences, the more your counselor can help. 

4. Take notes during each session
Reading them over can remind you of what you discussed, including what action steps you should try.

5. Do your homework
For example, your counselor might suggest you write in a journal or change your behavior in a certain way. If you don't get specific tips, ask what you can do outside of therapy to move toward your goals.

6. Welcome new ways
Often, therapy means exploring approaches that feel outside your comfort zone. But trying new strategies for managing or responding to situations is the only way to see if they work. If you give up too quickly, you might miss out on something that really helps.

7. Speak up
Your counselor wants your therapy to succeed — and collaboration is a key to that. So don't hesitate to say if you:

Think a session didn't go well
Don’t feel you're making progress
Want to focus on a new goal
Are considering stopping your therapy

When you're frank, it gives your counselor a chance to think about the best ways to help you.

It's also vital that you develop trust and a good connection with your therapist. So if you don't feel comfortable or you don't feel like you're being heard, it may not be a good fit — and you may benefit from making a change.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - From Depression to Happiness!

Here is a great article on "How to Become Happier in a Month."  (It was originally written by by Marcel Schwantes / Inc and published at Inc.com.)

Yes, Fort Lauderdale and Broward County can be a great place to live, but we can always improve ourselves and, by extension, the lives of others.  So, whether you suffer from depression, anxiety, or you want to cultivate empathy, or something else, you'll find some interesting ideas here.  Check it out:  

Your 31-Day Personal Development Plan
Day 1: Do something for someone else.
Do a “five-minute favor” for someone. Five-minute favors are selfless giving acts, without asking for anything in return from the people that you help. Examples of five-minute favors include: sharing knowledge, making an introduction, serving as a reference for a person, product, or service, or recommending someone on LinkedIn, Yelp, or another social place.

Day 2: Share your positive experiences with friends and family and watch your joy increase.
Studies published in BPS Research have found that sharing the good things that happen in your life is the way to happiness. In one study, participants that journaled and shared positive experiences with another person at least twice a week were more satisfied with life.

Day 3: Stop striving to achieve.
We all have a tendency to work too much, lose our balance, and, ultimately, our joy in life. It’s the unhealthy feeling that if we don’t do something productive every day, we’ve somehow failed. So allow your perfectionism to rest. Slow down, and know that life is OK the way it is, right at this minute. As you eliminate the need to strive and be perfect, surrender to the universe. You’ll begin to appreciate and focus on other, neglected priorities that bring you joy.

Day 4: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Empathy and compassion are things you can develop, and it starts with thinking about other people’s circumstances, understanding their pains and frustrations, and knowing that those emotions are every bit as real as our own. This helps you develop perspective, and opens you up to helping others, which also enhances your sense of gratitude.

Day 5: Discover your purpose and enjoy the journey.
Remind yourself frequently that the purpose of your life is not to work 10 hours per day, five days per week for 30 years, then retire to a golf course in Florida. Your true purpose should be to discover your calling in life, basking in the joy of the journey along the way, one step at a time. In the end, your legacy is left to these two questions:

· What impact did I make on the lives of others?

· Who did I serve and make better?

Day 6: Stop getting the attention and focus it on other people.
There’s something magical that happens when we let other people have the glory. Reading this may bruise your ego, but when we shine the spotlight on someone else and let that person be seen, heard, respected, and considered special–it becomes enjoyable to do so, and gives us a peaceful and quiet confidence.

Read more: How Mindfulness Meditation Can Improve Your Life in Just 3 Minutes a Day

Day 7: Give thanks. Your situation could be a lot worse.
I don’t care what religion you come from, start your day by thanking your higher power for the things you take for granted. As it turns out, if you make more than $30,000, you earn more than 53.2 percent of Americans. If you make more than $50,000, you earn more than 73.4 percent of Americans. Feeling grateful now? Say a little prayer and give thanks, and then pray for the other 73.4 percent.

Day 8: Exercise more of the P word.
Patience is a virtue I wish more people practiced. It helps you relax and rethink when things are snowballing out of control. Did that guy cut you off on the highway? Relax, take a deep breath, and consider that perhaps he’s rushing to the hospital with his wife in labor in the backseat. Patience helps you see the innocence in other people during those really frustrating moments when you’d like fist to meet wall.

Day 9: Be the first to reach out after an argument.
The tendency for so many of us is to let resentment fester after an argument or misunderstanding, and then cut off the person from our lives until he or she reaches out to us with an apology. It’s convenient. But it’s also just plain dumb. You lose a friendship, a family relationship, or great work connection because your ego has to have its way. Instead, be the first to reach out to make amends, even if you’re the one that has to apologize. That humble act will do wonders; the other person will soften, apologize, and allow you back into his or her life.

Day 10: Just. Say. No.
Truly happy people live a simple life. They have a simple schedule. They don’t take on more than they can handle. They live according to their values and purpose. They have strong boundaries around what comes into their life. And they have no problem saying no. If it doesn’t serve you, if it has little value, and if it doesn’t make you better tomorrow than you are today–just … say … no.

Day 11: React to good news with genuine enthusiasm.
Researchers call it active constructive responsiveness (ACR). If a friend or colleague shares good news (say, a promotion), there are many ways in which you could respond to this news. An ACR response might be, “That’s fantastic! I had no doubts the leadership team would recognize your hard work. Let’s celebrate and get some pizza and beer tonight.” An ACR response shares in people’s joy and excitement, and shows interest and curiosity. By doing so, you’ll maintain strong personal relationships and feel more positive.

Day 12: Be diligent.
Ever looked at an ant farm in action? Every single ant has amazing ambition and self-discipline. They are diligent! If you’re wondering, “Why do I slack off so much?” it may be time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. What’s keeping you from being diligent? Usually the first step of motivation is exactly that–just focus on the first step. Then, it’s one step at a time after that. But whatever you do, get off the couch, stop Snapchatting, and choose to be diligent today.

Day 13: Soak up the wisdom of another person.
If you’re a smart person (and I trust that you are since you’re reading this list), you want to view yourself as a small fish in the great big pond of life–seeking out connections to learn from. So who are the people of influence in your life? Invite one of them to coffee, and learn something new from this person. It will make you better, and he or she will appreciate the chance to pay it forward.

Day 14: Journal about three new things you are grateful for.
Psychologist Shawn Achor told Oprah that you train your brain to be optimistic if you do this for 21 days in a row: Each day, write down three new things you are grateful for.

Read more: How to Be Happy: 10 Science-Backed Ways to Become a Happier Person

Day 15: And while you’re at it, journal about one positive experience today.
Achor also told Oprah that if you spend two minutes daily journaling about one positive experience in the past 24 hours, it allows your brain to relive it, and teaches your brain that the behavior matters.

Day 16: Exercise for 15 minutes.
Achor also told Oprah that if you hate exercise, all it takes is 15 minutes of fun cardio activity, which is the equivalent of taking an antidepressant, but with a 30 percent lower relapse rate.

Day 17: Focus on your breathing.
Stop what you’re doing. Now breathe, and watch your breath go in and out for two minutes. Do this every day. This allows your brain to focus on one thing at a time. In Achor’s study, he says it will “raise accuracy rates, improve levels of happiness, and drop stress levels.”

Day 18. Express kindness through a text or email.
Take two minutes each day to write a positive email or text praising or thanking someone you know. And do it for a different person each day. Achor says people who do this become known as positive leaders with strong social connections–the greatest predictor of long-term happiness.

Day 19: Find something or someone that will make you laugh.
Humor helps you think more broadly and creatively. Psychologists had students solve puzzles after watching a clip of Robin Williams doing standup. Twenty percent more puzzles were solved by sudden insight from students who had watched comedy compared with students who had watched scary or boring videos beforehand. There are other benefits: Laughter releases endorphins into the body–a chemical 10 times more powerful than morphine–with the same exhilarating effect as an intense workout at the gym.

Day 20: Deal with a problem you’ve been neglecting.
So you’ve been putting off handling a difficult person or putting closure to something. By facing conflict and going through the eye of the storm, you’ll build resilience to deal with future problems seamlessly. Choosing to deal with the situation today will teach you to be more honest with yourself and others, give you the strength and openness to deal with problems quickly, and help you avoid procrastination.

Day 21: Do something fun.
Now that you’ve dealt with resolving a conflict, reward yourself with something fun. Science has found that people who have fun on the job are more creative and productive, make better decisions, and get along better with colleagues. Another study discovered that to unlock your creative potential, “go out and play” to lift your mood, and then come back to the problem.

Day 22: Build up your faith.
I don’t speak of religion. I speak of a faith—whatever your belief system—that comes from a deep spiritual connection with a power greater than yours. A power that extends you grace, forgiveness, love. It’s this faith that strengthens you and makes you endure your trials. A faith that helps you realize it’s no longer about you.

Day 23: Have lunch with someone, and listen to that person selflessly.
Give someone your full, undivided attention, and listen to his or her story. The best listeners, as I’ve written about before, have an uncanny ability to listen intuitively to the other person before responding. They listen with one modus operandi: How can I help the other person?

Day 24: Pursue an activity that brings you peace.
Get involved in an activity that’s enjoyable; something that will bring back that bounce in your step. What is it that you love to do? What brings you peace? Hint: Think hobbies, nature, friends, or exercise. I often take the lunch hour to swim, as it releases endorphins. What’s going to bring you peace?

Day 25: Look at people in the eye, smile, and say hello.
We live in such a fear-driven and insulated culture that we don’t even look people in the eye when we’re walking down the street, sitting in subway trains, or even when making our way through office hallways. Just for today, think of strangers as being a little more like you, and treat them with the kindness and respect they deserve: Look them softly in the eye, smile, and give a warm greeting.

Day 26: Take some quiet time alone to reflect.
For 30 to 60 minutes, remove yourself from the noise, clutter, distractions, screaming kids, and busyness of life. It helps to do it first thing after you wake up. Go out into the stillness of the morning, sit on a dock, under a large tree, or on a swing bench and meditate on the good things of life. Close your eyes, breathe through your stomach, and center yourself. Setting aside this little ritual makes the rest of your day seem manageable. You’ll notice a difference and a weight off your shoulders.

Day 27: Look at a situation by taking in the whole picture.
We call it self-awareness. It’s choosing to see two sides of an issue by tapping into our feelings and those of others for a different outcome. It helps us to respond instead of react to people. By redirecting negative thoughts and emphasizing positive ones, you can be the real you and enjoy interpersonal relationships much better.

Day 28: Reframe!
Do you ever hear that voice inside your head tell you things like, “I screwed up again. I’m worthless.” Or “I can’t do this. I’ve never been able to do it; it’s not going to work now.” This is negative self-talk and it can be toxic, as it reinforces irrational thoughts. Catch yourself in the act of using negative words or phrases and identify the triggers. Are demands at work piling up? Are things at home not so peachy? Stop your thought midstream by saying to yourself (or in your head), “Stop!” Then dig deep down inside yourself and reframe your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t necessarily? Stop and reframe, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.

Read more: 7 Simple and Powerful Ways to Motivate Yourself, According to Science

Day 29: Readjust the strict rules you impose on yourself.
Are you a perfectionist? Identify one personal rule you live by that’s rigid, unfair or unhelpful. Then reword it to be more helpful, flexible, and forgiving. Then put your new rule into practice!

Day 30: Relax and be more spontaneous.
Doing both are really necessary for healthy living. So if you’re at work, take regular breaks: Stretch, do breathing exercises, go for a walk outside, take a 15-minute nap, play a game, or just enjoy yourself. Add spontaneity to your life by going on a date with your spouse to a new restaurant, stopping afterward to watch the sunset. And next week, think about picking up a new hobby. Surprise yourself!

Day 31: Spend some quality time with an elderly person.
Elderly people have a rich and long history full of stories, experiences and perspectives you’ve never thought of from simpler days gone by. There are many wins for you: It teaches you to be a better listener (day 23), builds up your patience (day 8) since elderly people typically speak slower, and you acquire new wisdom (day 13). They benefit from your attention (day 6), and kindness (day 18, 25).
Closing Thoughts
What would your life look like if you practiced some of these things every day, extending this plan beyond a 31-day cycle? It just might help you live the life you’ve always wanted rather than settling for whatever comes your way.
What will you do to live a more intentional life?

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Are You Driving Yourself Crazy?

Here I present a great article by D. Harrison, PhD.  It's a formula for driving yourself crazy.  Sadly, many of you reading this will undoubtedly be doing some of these very things.

Now, life in Fort Lauderdale and South Florida can be very hectic and stressful, and provide some - well, shall we say - less than healthy distractions.  And even if you've thought about mental health counseling, you may just as quickly have talked (or thought) yourself out of it.

So sit back, relax, and see if the following doesn't ring true with you.  Then, give a call and we'll talk about how to move in a good, orderly, not-crazy-making direction!

How to Drive Yourself Crazy

1. Save your major worries until about midnight, then start heavy thinking. Suggested topics include your age, losing your job, the mistake you made at work last week that they haven’t discovered yet, that suspicious wart you’ve had for five years, or radon in your basement. You can work up a good panic by 1 AM.

2. Keep an inventory of your faults. Ignore strengths. Focus only on your bad points. Try to select friends who will remind you of how awful you are. If you don’t have friends like this, you probably have some relative who can be counted on to point out your weaknesses.

3. Set unreasonable goals. No matter how much money you earn, remember there are others doing better. Try to name three of them, preferably younger and better looking than you. Think how others could do a better job.

4. When your children make mistakes, don’t accept it as part of growing up. View each situation as the first sign of impending moral decay, delinquency and a wasted life.

5. Put off everything until the last minute. In this way, you can create a sense of frenzy and chronic stress no matter how much time you had in the first place.

6. Aid and abet the creation of stress. Sleep as little as possible. Eat junk. Drink a lot of coffee. Never exercise if you can help it.

7. Never let others know how you feel or what you want. You shouldn’t have to tell them: they should be able to read your mind. If you assume this, you stand a good chance of feeling deprived.

8. Never trust anyone, particularly a counselor. Struggle with problems alone. If you feel the urge to confide in someone who seems to care, remind yourself that people are basically no good and are out only for themselves. Convince yourself that asking for help is a sign of weakness and that you can tough it out alone.

9. Never take a vacation. It’s a luxury you can’t afford, especially if you’re working up to a really good state of exhaustion.

If you follow this program, you have a good chance of feeling really rotten in no time at all!

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Talking to Your Child

How to to Help Your Child Listen and Follow Directions

1.  Get close to them and use their name to get their attention first.  It is not helpful to call from across the room.  For example, go up to your child and say, “Sally, I have something I need you to do.”  

2.  Once you have their attention and eye contact, give them the direction in an age-appropriate manner.  A three-year-old may not be able to do more than one step at a time.  You will likely be able to give your twelve-year-old 3 directions at a time.  For example, “Get dressed, eat breakfast, and go wait for the bus.”  

3.  Give directions with a calm, but serious voice.  Yelling will likely escalate your child, and this will not help them to be cooperative.  But you also want them to know that you are not joking around.

4.  Give directions in a positive manner.  Tell them what TO DO, instead of what NOT to do.  For example, say, “Walk, please,” instead of “Don’t run.”  Also, be descriptive so that they know exactly what you expect.  Instead of saying, “Be good,” which is very vague, say something like, “Put your hands on your lap and sit on your bottom.”  

5.  DO NOT ask a question when giving a direction.  Do NOT say, “Do you want to clean your room?” if this is not something that they can say no to.  Also, do NOT say, “It’s time to do your homework, okay?”  The okay and question at the end implies that it is up to them to decide.  

6. Provide two acceptable choices, such as, “You can eat breakfast or get dressed.  Which would you like to do first?”  You can even start by saying, “You have a choice!”  

7. Empathize with them if your child complains about what you asked them to do.  “I know you are having fun playing and don’t want to stop.”  “I understand that you don’t like cleaning your room.”  

8.  Give them something to look forward to after completing the task.  “As soon as you are finished putting away the dishes, you can go outside and play.”  

9.  Help them if the task is difficult, while still making sure they are doing their part.  “I will help you clean your room.  Would you like to put away your clothes or your toys?”  Then you can put away what they do not choose.         

10.  If nothing is working, tell them about the consequence if they do not complete the task.  Try to make it a natural consequence.  A natural consequence is something that would happen naturally as a result.  It also helps to give them a time frame.  For example, “If you do not get dressed before we leave for school, you will go to school in your pajamas.”  “If you do not put on your coat, you will be cold.”  Or if there is no natural consequence, try to make it related to the task.  “If you do not clean your room before bed time, I will take away those toys that are not cleaned up.”

11.  Enforce the time limit and the consequence.  It is important that your child knows that you mean business when you tell them something.  If you give in or do not follow through, they will learn that they can test you because they do not always have to do what you tell them.

12.  Children behave best when they are feeling loved.  Make sure that you spend plenty of positive, fun time with them. 

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - The Stress Free Life

This article originally was published by Captain Paul Watson on his Facebook page.  You may remember him from the TV show "Whale Wars."  He is a truly inspirational man who has lived his life consistent with his beliefs and values.  In short, he has made a difference.  His article on the stress-free life is one of the best I have read on stress, enjoyment of life and mindfulness.  Enjoy.

Stress kills Mindfulness. Here are Ten Things you can do to avoid it.

Observations and Advice by Captain Paul Watson

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
– T.S. Elliot

I am often asked how I deal with stress considering I’m wanted by Japan and Costa Rica, I have a price on my head from the shark fin mafia of Costa Rica, we have numerous ships on the sea in dangerous campaigns, I am being sued, threatened and harassed continuously and I have a lot of enemies, critics and people who wish me harm.

The answer to this is simple. I don’t deal with stress, because I do not suffer from stress. And these are ten primary reasons why, and for anyone suffering from anxiety, worry or stress, I would like to offer this advice.  The ten primary reasons why I don't suffer from stress:

1. It is what it is. Whatever the issue, whatever the threat, whatever the circumstances it simply is what it is. Stressing will not change the situation. All problems can be dealt with or ignored.

2. “It’s always something.” I say this all the time to my crews whenever a problem arises. “It’s always something and if it’s not something, it’s something else, but it is always something.” This means that life comes with obstacles, challenges and problems. Problems should not be unexpected. They are inevitable. All problems can be dealt with by dealing with them, delegating someone else to deal with them, or ignoring them. One thing for sure, on a ship, it is definitely always something.

3. Stay calm. There really is nothing worth getting upset about. For example, if I drop a bottle of wine or tomato sauce and it shatters, my reaction is, “hmmm okay, that needs cleaning up.” If I lose my phone, wallet or keys, my reaction is “I better replace what I lost and take measures to cancel my cards etc. More seriously when my regulator jammed once at 30 meters, I calmly signaled my partner to indicate my situation. Fretting about it will not recover the object. Panicking will not save your life. Anger emanates from stress. Without stress there can be no anger. Without stress there is no panic.

4. Nothing material is permanent and thus objects are not worth stressing about. Your car is damaged, something you own is stolen, or you lost your investments etc. It is really not important. Material objects and comforts are nice but they should not be anchors keeping you attached to stress. Move on.

5. Friends are friends or they are not. A true friend will never betray you and if a “friend” does betray you than he/she is simply not a friend. Always walk away from betrayal and do not stress about it. True and loyal friends are rare treasures and should be treated as such. Loyalty returns loyalty. Compassion returns compassion. Courage returns courage. However you control only your own loyalty, compassion and courage, not that of others. And if they prove disloyal or they betray you, the treasure is no longer a treasure but merely a bauble to be tossed aside. Never stress about betrayal or loss. It is what it is. And if you’ve been betrayed once by someone, do not allow yourself to be betrayed again by that same person.

6. Loneliness is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to discover yourself. You can’t find someone to love you if you don’t love yourself, and the secret to finding the right person is to not look for that person. Love should blossom from the ground like a lovely wild flower. It cannot be cultivated until after it is realized. Do not seek the seed but let the flower reveal an opportunity to you to grow and learn.

7. Relationships are like streams, constantly flowing and as they flow they meet obstacles. Some are minor and others major but a relationship either flows around the obstacle or it is blocked, and if permanently blocked, it ends. This is not cause for stress or angry, resentment or jealously. It is what it is. Move on with appreciation and without bitterness for the relationship that is no more, and open your heart to other possibilities that life presents. The most important factor in maintaining a meaningful relationship with lovers, family or friends is simply acceptance. You need to accept them for who they are and they need to accept you for who you are. If you cannot accept another person for who they are, you need to stop inflicting stress on that person and to walk away. And if another person does not accept you for who you are, you need to walk away no matter the nature of the relationship. Stress kills and living with a person who does not accept you for who you are is like living with a person who is slowly killing you.

8. Fear is a poison that seeps into the soul and paralyzes our senses generating paranoia, insecurity and anger. Never let fear enter your life. There is really nothing to fear because things are what they are and will be what they will be. Remember you are the captain of your fate and the master of your soul and body. Who you are and what you wish to be depends on you and you alone. A person free of fear can accomplish far more than a person shackled to fear.

9. Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worst than being talked about was not being talked about. People talk, they gossip, they make false accusations, some enjoy insulting and belittling others. They are easily dealt with by ignoring them. Responding to them is what they want, so don’t respond. Reacting to them is what they want, so don’t react. Such people are not worthy of causing stress to you. They come from a place of insecurity, jealously and fear. It is their stress, and their stress is their problem. It should not be yours.

10. Hoka Hey. It’s a good day to die. It’s a Lakota saying and it means to not fear death and to stand firm for what you believe in, to fight against all odds and to never surrender. The one absolute of life is death. We all will die. What matters is not dying but living. It is how you live that is important and the only thing important about dying is how you die. It should be a death without fear, with dignity and with acceptance that it is what it is. The person without fear dies but once, the person shackled by fear dies slowly from stress and anxiety. Accept the inevitable, embrace the final reality of life and smile in the face of the infinite. The real secret to happiness is to not fear your own death, to not fear failure or ridicule, and not to fear others.

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness and an impediment to impeccability. Stress is the cause of migraines, cancer and many other ailments. It is the reason people smoke, take drugs, and drink excessively. When people ask me why I’ve never smoked anything, the reason being is that I have never felt inclined to do so. It never seemed healthy to me and I have always been mindful of the consequences. I think that stress blocks mindfulness of consequences. The same holds true to getting drunk or stoned. Without stress there is no need, nor a desire to do either.

Mindfulness is simply awareness of who you are and what you are doing. A person who is mindful is a person free of stress.

Depending upon luxuries leads to stress

Unfulfilled desire leads to stress. Wanting nothing allows you to appreciate what you have. When you want nothing, you want for nothing. We all have basic needs for food, for warmth and shelter, for clothing and for companionship. Mindfulness allows you to be secure with your basic needs. Everything else is a luxury and although luxuries may be appreciated, you should not depend upon them. Depending upon luxuries leads to stress.

I have never worked a day in my life for the sole purpose of making money. I have never wanted to own anything and although I now do own property and material things, I do not allow those things to own me. I never engage in arguments about money or debts. I tend to avoid debts but when debts occur my position is that they are what they are and certainly not anything to be troubled with.

As far as basic needs, I learned to address this as a teenager when I left home at 15. I had no money, no place to stay, no prospects. I jumped a freight train, rode in the automobiles being transported from Toronto all the way to Vancouver. I arrived and camped in the abandoned gun towers on Wreck Beach and the first thing I did was to go to Vancouver City College to enroll. I found a job, moved out of the gun tower into a single room I rented and went from there. Looking back I see it as an adventure. I had nothing, but there was no stress. I simply reframed the insecurity of my position into an adventurous experience. I treated every job as a learning experience and working as a longshoreman, teamster, tree planter, warehouse man, short order cook, baker, painter, carpet layer, postman, tour guide, landscaper, and seaman all were educational experiences.

Life is an adventure, death is inevitable

The truth is that all of life is an adventure, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the experiences, the hardships, the thrills and the times that were lonely, happy or difficult. Even the loss of friends and family is simply dealt with by acknowledging that death is as it is. It is inevitable and although we may sincerely mourn we can do so without being stressed. This may be difficult to understand but it is indeed quite possible. With the passing of every friend, with the passing of my brother I have silently said “Good-bye” with the appreciation of having known them.

I have gone into situations many times where the risks of injury, death or imprisonment were practically a certainty. My approach has always been acceptance. And amazingly I am still alive and still free. When I have had nothing I have had everything I need, and when I have risked all, I have usually been successful. One of the things that concerns me is when I read about, or hear of people, especially young people committing suicide because of bullying. I wish that I could talk to such people before they make such a terminal decision. I would tell them to not let the insecurities and fears of others influence them in any way. I would tell them to accept that all the ridicule, insults, bullying and peer pressure is irrelevant and simply unimportant to who they are. If a parent is unaccepting of who you are, you need to say to them that if you are unacceptable to them they have no right to be your parent and you should walk away from them. Too many people are enslaved to parents, partners and friends who do not accept them.

Unacceptance and bullying are forms of violence and everyone should walk away from violence with dignity. No one should tell you what to believe, how to think, how to dress, how to behave or to dictate your sexual orientation or condemn you for your compassion, your passion, your imagination and your character. You are who you are and that is what it is, and how it should be, and if others do not tolerate who you are, don’t give them the satisfaction of destroying you. Simply symbolically spit in their eye, walk away and concentrate on being who you are for the benefit of yourself.

And if anyone is inclined to commit suicide my advice is to commit social suicide instead. That is, to drop out of your life as it is and begin another life, in another place with new ideas. Adventure is the antidote for depression. Take a chance, jump into the unknown and you will be amazed at what is awaiting you after you do.

I am not infallible. I have made mistakes in my life, many of them. I have at times in the past responded with anger although rarely physical and limited to the poison of the pen. I have let some people down, disappointed others and missed opportunities. But the one thing that I have been able to do in my life is to avoid stress.

At 64, I am healthy, happy, optimistic, and as passionate as I ever have been. Even more so because I have had the grace of experience and the satisfaction of achievement in those areas that I chose to address.

The point of this posting is this: Do not let stress ruin your health, your love or your life. Dreadnaught and live the adventure, this adventure that is life. It may well be the only life you will ever have. Even if you believe in the afterlife (oh and don’t stress about that either) the fact is you will never know for sure, so no sense wasting the unique life that you have.

A stress free life is not only possible, it’s also essential for your health and your happiness.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Depression Therapy

If you are suffering from depression, and are interested in depression therapy or counseling in the Fort Lauderdale area, this article is for you.

It is estimated that two-thirds of people in the U.S. suffering from depression never seek treatment.  That seems strange given that of those who do get help, 80 percent find a noticeable improvement in their symptoms within a few weeks.  Lack of knowledge about treatment options  and stigma are two of the reasons why people tend not to seek help.  

So, we already know that depression therapy works.  Here are some other facts:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective tool for addressing depression.  It involves working with a professional (therapist) to identify thought and behaviour patterns that are contributing to become depressed, or stopping you from getting better when you are depressed.

• Depression is often masked as anxiety.  The proper diagnosis is therefore important as it has an implication for treatment options.

• Depression distorts your thinking.  It can tell you "my depression isn't really that bad," or "I'm just sad like everyone else is once in a while."  Trust your gut.  If you feel something isn't right, i.e. you might be suffering from depression then you probably are.

• Therapy will help you regain control and get pleasure back in your life as you learn effective coping skills.

Finally, you didn't choose to become depressed, but you do have a choice about what to do now. Contact Maesk Group Counseling to set an appointment, and get on the path to start living again.  You owe it to yourself to feel better!!

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - How We Sabotage Ourselves

Ways We Sabotage Ourselves

“If I journal, then I have to THINK about my husband having an affair,” stated my client flatly. “Why would I want to do that?”

That may sound a bit silly to you, but as human beings we are always finding distractions from our issues that need attention or problem solving. How many of these do YOU do?

• Work: feeling centered only when working or accomplishing

• Sex: hiding from uncomfortable feelings through compulsive sexual behavior

• Television: avoiding discomfort by watching TV for hours on end, every day

• Drugs/Alcohol: “I need it to relax” translates “I don’t have to think about changing or feel the pain that would push me to do so”

• Tobacco: using nicotine and the act of smoking to calm yourself

• Tasks: volunteer or otherwise: needing to stay compulsively active with endless tasks or conversations

• Rage: only feeling OK after venting anxiety and anger inappropriately 

• Exercise: using exercise compulsively to seek control or avoid emotions

• Adrenaline: using risky behavior as a form of mood altering

• Food: eating compulsively for comfort or reward

• Hoarding: collecting and saving items endlessly

• Shopping: purchasing an item based on the idea that it will bring comfort, or seeking comfort in the act of buying

• Cleaning: cleaning endlessly in order to avoid stillness, which might bring attention to anxiety or other uncomfortable emotions. It’s also a way to seek control when feeling your life doesn’t have any

• Spirituality: becoming absorbed and/or obsessed in spiritual or religious ideas as a way of hiding from uncomfortable emotions*

The problem is that when we resist an emotion, trying not to feel what we are feeling, we tighten muscles around the areas in our bodies where we feel the emotion. This keeps it trapped there instead of letting it flow through naturally.

Are you ready to stop and pay attention to your life? I am your best guide to do so. Contact Maesk Group Counseling at 954-353-4680 and let’s get started!

*Adapted from Present Moment Awareness by S. Duncan

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Signs of Progress in Therapy

Do you know that you can focus on various areas in your life to see if you are feeling better in specific ways? This is a fun, informal quiz to use for this purpose. Rate your improvement from 1 to 4, with 4 being the most improved. Leave it blank if it doesn’t apply to you. Take the results to your therapist for discussion.

LIFE ISSUES*:

__Self Esteem

__Ability to reach Life Goals

__Personal Safety

__Your work or career

__Level of happiness

__Intelligence

__Use of your talents

__Sense of Humor

__Ability to care for others

__Personal self-care/Attractiveness

__Ability to make friends

__Relationships (friends)

__Relationships (family)

__Getting along with coworkers

__Taking time for you

__Treating yourself well

__Putting your needs first

__Taking care of your body

__Not getting overly tired

__Taking care of yourself when ill

__Eating well

__Sleeping enough

__Exercising regularly

__Appropriate alcohol use (or none at all)

Track your progress on a regular basis. Therapy is all about improving your life and making it the best it can be!

(Adapted from It’s My Life Now by M. Dugan)

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Feeling Bad About Your Body?

If you live in Fort Lauderdale, or South Florida for that matter, you know that it is an "image culture."  Beaches, bathing suits and hot bodies seem to be the order of the day.  But what if you don't fit the stereotypical mold?

This article, written by Kelly Tatera, explores body image and weight dissatisfaction.  It's worth a read!

Accepting your body is the first and most important step to getting healthier.

The way you feel about your body might have an even greater impact on your health than your actual weight, according to a number of scientific studies. The research isn’t meant to tone down the health risks associated with being overweight, but the findings reveal that feeling bad about your body could be harmful to your wellbeing, both physically and mentally.

In a study published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, a survey of over 100 female college students found a link between negative body image and a “generally diminished quality of life.” Other studies have linked weight dissatisfaction to higher blood pressure, glucose levels, and body-mass indexes (BMIs), as well as a greater risk of metabolic disease, disordered eating, and lower self-esteem.

A more recent study in 2014 found that weight dissatisfaction was linked to an eventual onset of type II diabetes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be an issue that’s going anywhere anytime soon, as another study revealed that feeling dissatisfied with body image is a growing problem.

Multiple studies have found that people who are satisfied with their bodies tend to exercise more often, so part of the problem may simply be that people who like their bodies take better care of them. In general, people who aren’t happy with their bodies exercise less and put on more weight, according to research.

“Weight dissatisfaction may actually discourage people from engaging in healthy behaviors,”Christine Blake from the Arnold School of Health in South Carolina told Quartz’s Harriet Brown. “They might be less likely to respond to programs that encourage health, saying, ‘Ah, forget it.’”

So what’s the best way to go about tackling weight issues? Instead of jumping to diets and rigid exercise schedules, Blake suggests that the first necessary step is to help people with body image issues gain a sense of self-acceptance and body positivity. Focusing on weight issues can often lead to stress, self-loathing, or other unhealthy behaviors, so before an individual can make genuine progress, he or she must let go of negative self-inflicted thoughts.

Managing weight-related issues can obviously be guided by doctors, but parents can also make a difference. A study back in 2009 looked at adolescents from 24 different countries and found strong links between body dissatisfaction and problems with parent-child communication, so healthy relationships at home could have a significant impact on feeling good about our bodies.

These studies certainly raise an interesting point since most people jump to the conclusion that the biggest issues when it comes to weight-related health risks has to do with, well, actual weight. But it appears that there’s an even more important issue to smooth out before all else, and as cliché as it sounds, accepting yourself must come first. You may roll your eyes hearing the whole “accept and love yourself” shpiel from your mom or in an inspirational Instagram post, but now even science confirms the importance of accepting your body.