From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Panic Attack Help

Tips for Coping with Panic Attacks

Always begin with a visit to your doctor or health care provider to ensure that there is not an underlying medical cause to your symptoms. Don’t self-diagnose.  Panic symptoms include:

• Shortness of breath

• Tightness in the chest

• Rapid heartbeat

• Inability to relax*

*(NOTE): since these can be symptoms of other medical emergencies, DON’T self-diagnose. Seek emergency medical care if this is the first time you’ve experienced this)

What Can I Do To Cope?

• RATE the panic on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 meaning not bad at all, up to 10 meaning, call an ambulance! Anything we can MEASURE we can start to control.

• ACCEPT, don’t fight. Fighting increases the bodily symptoms.

• ASK yourself: what’s the worst that could happen here? How would I handle it?

• BREATHE normally and naturally. Pay attention to your breath.

• FOCUS on an object in the room. See it, describe it to yourself. This helps orient you in the present moment reality.

• TIME the attack (measuring again). Note how little time it actually lasts.

• NOTICE if the attacks are happening in a certain location or at a certain time (“cued” attacks.) When it passes, get out a piece of paper and write about that place or time. BE A SCIENTIST about your panic—objective, measuring, curious.

• TAKE your writings to your counselor to further explore the causes of the panic.

• REMEMBER that overcoming panic is not a matter of willpower. It is a malfunction of brain chemistry which can be helped by cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or medication.  Medication takes away the SYMPTOM but not the CAUSE. Therapy helps get to the root of the problem.

Remember that a panic attack won’t hurt your physically. Although it’s very uncomfortable, your body will continue to breathe and function through it.   And we are here to help - don’t hesitate to contact us.  

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Childhood Emotional Neglect

This is a great article about emotional neglect from childhood by Dhyan Summers, MA, LMFT:

How to Recognize and Overcome Childhood Emotional Neglect

Because it’s mostly silent and invisible, childhood emotional neglect is largely an overlooked phenomenon in psychology. Unlike physical neglect or abuse, where there are signs such as bruises or children coming to school underfed, emotional neglect is difficult to identify as there are frequently no observable signs. More importantly, emotional neglect is generally unrecognized by the child until symptoms begin to appear in adulthood.

Emotional neglect can take many forms, from a parent having unrealistically high expectations or not listening attentively, to invalidating a child’s emotional experiences to the point he or she begins to feel self-doubt. When a parent is not emotionally attuned to a child, there is no mirror held up, no positive reflection being shared with the child. Developing a positive sense of self, then, becomes more challenging for the child.

Symptoms of Emotional Neglect

Symptoms of childhood emotional neglect that show up in adults may include (but are not limited to):

• “Numbing out” or being cut off from one’s feelings

• Feeling like there’s something missing, but not being sure what it is

• Feeling hollow inside

• Being easily overwhelmed or discouraged

• Low self-esteem

• Perfectionism

• Pronounced sensitivity to rejection

• Lack of clarity regarding others’ expectations and your own expectations for yourself

• While having these symptoms doesn’t necessarily mean you were emotionally neglected, if you identify with more than one symptom, it may be worthwhile to talk with a therapist about the possibility.

What Kinds of Parents Tend to Emotionally Neglect Their Children?

First, let me say most parents are well-intentioned and well-meaning and generally do the best they can. Some may have experienced emotional neglect themselves as children, and therefore may not have a lot to give emotionally. However, there are some parenting styles and characteristics that lend themselves to emotional neglect.

Authoritarian parents want their children to follow the rules, and have little time or inclination for listening to a child’s feelings and needs. As adults, children raised by an authoritative parent may either rebel against authority or perhaps become submissive.

Permissive parents have a laissez-faire attitude about child rearing and may let children pretty much fend for themselves. Children raised by permissive parents may have a tough time setting boundaries and limits for themselves in adulthood.

Parents with narcissistic qualities feel the world revolves around them. It’s typically all about the parent’s needs instead of the child’s. As adults, these children may have difficulty identifying their needs and ensuring that they’re met. They may even feel that they don’t deserve to have their needs met.

Perfectionistic parents tend to believe their children can always do more or better. These are the parents who may complain when a child brings home a report card with all A’s and one B. Children of such parents may grow up to be perfectionists, and set unrealistically high expectations for themselves, resulting in anxiety around feelings of never being good enough.

Absent parents can be removed from a child’s life for a variety of reasons, such as death, illness, divorce, working long hours, or frequent travel for work. Children of absent parents end up raising themselves to a large extent, and if they are the oldest child may also raise their younger siblings. These children tend to be overly responsible, which may carry over to adult life. As children, they seem like little adults, overburdened with worry about their families.

Tips for Recovering from Emotional Neglect

So what can you do if you think you may have been emotionally neglected as a child? Here are some tips:

1. Learn to be aware of positive and negative emotions when you’re experiencing them.

If you’ve spent your adult life being disconnected from your feelings, the first step is to learn to identify positive and negative emotion. It’s important to acknowledge just good and uncomfortable feelings to begin with.

Once you have that down, you can focus on noting subtler nuances of feelings. You may not even have words for how you feel, which is perfectly normal if you didn’t grow up in a home where people talked about their feelings.

2. Identify your needs, and take steps to meet them.

Many adults who experienced emotional neglect as children are often unaware of what they need and typically don’t feel deserving of getting their needs met. Develop your emotional vocabulary by researching emotions and needs online or at the library. Once you know what you need, it’s time to take action.

3. If you believe you don’t deserve to have your needs met, acknowledge the belief and see it as just that—a belief, not a fact.

It can be helpful to begin to deconstruct old beliefs you’ve held for a long time that may no longer hold true. Like everyone else on the planet, you have emotional needs that you deserve to have met, no matter what you experienced in childhood.

4. Be gentle with and take good care of yourself, starting with small steps.

Adults who experienced emotional neglect as children often have difficulty with self-care. Unaware of their feelings and needs, they frequently don’t know where to start. Try treating yourself with the same care and gentleness you would give a child who wasn’t able to take care of themselves. Be tender and compassionate with yourself, especially if you tend to be self-critical or judgmental.

And remember: Rome wasn’t built in a day! This is a process. When you skin your knee, you need to clean out the wound and expose it to the light of day; the same holds true for emotional wounds. Dare to bring the wound out of hiding, give it some light and air, and you’ll be on the road to healing.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Depression and Exercise

A great article from the NY Times on the connection between exercise and relief from depression:

How Exercise Might Keep Depression at Bay

By  GRETCHEN REYNOLDS NOV. 16, 2016

Exercise may be an effective treatment for depression and might even help prevent us from becoming depressed in the first place, according to three timely new studies. The studies pool outcomes from past research involving more than a million men and women and, taken together, strongly suggest that regular exercise alters our bodies and brains in ways that make us resistant to despair.

Scientists have long questioned whether and how physical activity affects mental health. While we know that exercise alters the body, how physical activity affects moods and emotions is less well understood.

Past studies have sometimes muddied rather than clarified the body and mind connections. Some randomized controlled trials have found that exercise programs, often involving walking, ease symptoms in people with major depression.

But many of these studies have been relatively small in scale or had other scientific deficiencies. A major 2013 review of studies related to exercise and depression concluded that, based on the evidence then available, it was impossible to say whether exercise improved the condition. Other past reviews similarly have questioned whether the evidence was strong enough to say that exercise could stave off depression.

A group of global public-health researchers, however, suspected that newer studies and a more rigorous review of the statistical evidence might bolster the case for exercise as a treatment of and block against depression.

So for the new analyses, they first gathered all of the most recent and best-designed studies about depression and exercise.

Then, for perhaps the most innovative of the new studies, which was published last month in Preventive Medicine, they focused on whether exercise could help to prevent someone from developing depression.

The scientists knew that many past studies of that topic had relied on people providing reports about how much they had exercised. We human beings tend to be notoriously unreliable in our memories of past workouts, though.

So the researchers decided to use only past studies that had objectively measured participants’ aerobic fitness, which will rise or fall depending on whether and how much someone exercises. Participants’ mental health also had to have been determined with standard testing at the start and finish of the studies, and the follow-up time needed to have been at least a year and preferably longer.

Ultimately, the researchers found several large-scale past studies that met their criteria. Together, they contained data on more than 1,140,000 adult men and women.

Among these million-plus people, the links between fitness and mental health turned out to be considerable. When the researchers divided the group into thirds, based on how aerobically fit they were, those men and women with the lowest fitness were about 75 percent more likely to have been given diagnoses of depression than the people with the greatest fitness. The men and women in the middle third were almost 25 percent more likely to develop depression than those who were the most fit.

In a separate study (some of the scientists were involved in each of the reviews), researchers looked at whether exercise might be useful as a treatment for depression. In that analysis, which was published in June in the Journal of Psychiatric Research, they pooled data from 25 past studies in which people with clinically diagnosed depression began some type of exercise program. Each study had to include a control group that did not exercise and be otherwise methodologically sophisticated.

The pooled results persuasively showed that exercise, especially if it is moderately strenuous, such as brisk walking or jogging, and supervised, so that people complete the entire program, has a “large and significant effect” against depression, the authors wrote. People’s mental health tended to demonstrably improve if they were physically active.

The final review offers some hints about why. Published in February in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, it took on the difficult issue of what happens within our bodies during and after exercise that might affect and improve our moods. The researchers analyzed 20 past studies in which scientists had obtained blood samples from people with major depression before and after they had exercised. The samples on the whole indicated that exercise significantly reduced various markers of inflammation and increased levels of a number of different hormones and other biochemicals that are thought to contribute to brain health.

But the researchers also caution that most of the physiological studies they reviewed were too small and short-term to allow for firm conclusions about how exercise might change the brain to help fight off gloom.

Still, the three reviews together make a sturdy case for exercise as a means to bolster mental as well as physical health, said Felipe Barreto Schuch, an exercise scientist at the Centro Universitário La Salle in Canoas, Brazil, who, with Brendon Stubbs, a professor at King’s College in London, was a primary author on all of the reviews.

Many more experiments are still needed to determine the ideal amounts and types of exercise that might help both to prevent and treat depression, Dr. Schuch said.

But he encouraged anyone feeling overwhelmed by recent events, or just by life, to go for a run or a bike ride. “The main message” of his and his colleagues’ reviews, he said, “is that people need to be active to improve their mental health.”

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Alcohol Use—or Overuse?

Alcohol Use—or Overuse? Screening Questions to Consider

Have you ever wondered if, or been told that, you drink too much? Contrary to popular opinion, there are standards by which professional therapists measure and diagnose whether or not your use falls into troublesome levels. These standards are based on research produced by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

 It’s not just drinking daily-- if it’s no more than 1 daily drink a week for a woman and two for a man, it’s generally not considered problematic—but also HOW MUCH at one time. So, even if you only drink once a month, IF you drink in excess of more than 4 drinks for a man or 3 for a woman in one day, you can be considered alcohol-dependent, have alcohol related problems, or be at risk. Medical, behavioral, and family history will all be taken into consideration. Further testing, such as the SASSI (Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory) may be done by your therapist.

Fill out this form below and submit to your therapist for further evaluation. Take that first step toward your best YOU!

On average, how many days a week do you drink alcohol? ____________

On a typical day when you drink, how many do you have? ____________

On any given day, what is the maximum number of drinks you had in the past month? _________

Have you ever felt you should CUT DOWN on your drinking?  Yes  No ____

Have people ANNOYED you by criticizing your drinking? Yes  No   _______

Have you ever felt bad or GUIILTY about your drinking? Yes   No _______

Have you ever had a drink first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?

 YesNo _______

If YES to any of these: has this occurred in the past YEAR?  Yes   No ______

Are You Making the Most of Therapy?

If you're struggling or stuck, counseling may be a good way to get a new perspective, move forward positively and protect your well-being. And if you're living with a mental health condition, seeing a therapist may be a key part of your treatment plan.

Are you in talk therapy or considering it? These tips can help you make the most of it:

1. Set goals
Be sure your therapist knows what you hope to achieve. For example, perhaps you want to:

Find ways to cope with strong emotions, such as grief
Change behaviors that are making you unhappy
Build healthier relationships
Better manage stress, anxiety or depression
Explore or navigate a major life change 

2. Discuss a timeline
It will depend on your needs and goals. Ask your therapist how you'll work together on your goals and how long you might need counseling services. Some issues are chronic or take longer than others to work through. But in other cases, people might feel that they're making progress after just a few sessions.

3. Be honest
Sometimes, talking about personal problems can be uncomfortable. But the more open you are about your true feelings and experiences, the more your counselor can help. 

4. Take notes during each session
Reading them over can remind you of what you discussed, including what action steps you should try.

5. Do your homework
For example, your counselor might suggest you write in a journal or change your behavior in a certain way. If you don't get specific tips, ask what you can do outside of therapy to move toward your goals.

6. Welcome new ways
Often, therapy means exploring approaches that feel outside your comfort zone. But trying new strategies for managing or responding to situations is the only way to see if they work. If you give up too quickly, you might miss out on something that really helps.

7. Speak up
Your counselor wants your therapy to succeed — and collaboration is a key to that. So don't hesitate to say if you:

Think a session didn't go well
Don’t feel you're making progress
Want to focus on a new goal
Are considering stopping your therapy

When you're frank, it gives your counselor a chance to think about the best ways to help you.

It's also vital that you develop trust and a good connection with your therapist. So if you don't feel comfortable or you don't feel like you're being heard, it may not be a good fit — and you may benefit from making a change.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - From Depression to Happiness!

Here is a great article on "How to Become Happier in a Month."  (It was originally written by by Marcel Schwantes / Inc and published at Inc.com.)

Yes, Fort Lauderdale and Broward County can be a great place to live, but we can always improve ourselves and, by extension, the lives of others.  So, whether you suffer from depression, anxiety, or you want to cultivate empathy, or something else, you'll find some interesting ideas here.  Check it out:  

Your 31-Day Personal Development Plan
Day 1: Do something for someone else.
Do a “five-minute favor” for someone. Five-minute favors are selfless giving acts, without asking for anything in return from the people that you help. Examples of five-minute favors include: sharing knowledge, making an introduction, serving as a reference for a person, product, or service, or recommending someone on LinkedIn, Yelp, or another social place.

Day 2: Share your positive experiences with friends and family and watch your joy increase.
Studies published in BPS Research have found that sharing the good things that happen in your life is the way to happiness. In one study, participants that journaled and shared positive experiences with another person at least twice a week were more satisfied with life.

Day 3: Stop striving to achieve.
We all have a tendency to work too much, lose our balance, and, ultimately, our joy in life. It’s the unhealthy feeling that if we don’t do something productive every day, we’ve somehow failed. So allow your perfectionism to rest. Slow down, and know that life is OK the way it is, right at this minute. As you eliminate the need to strive and be perfect, surrender to the universe. You’ll begin to appreciate and focus on other, neglected priorities that bring you joy.

Day 4: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Empathy and compassion are things you can develop, and it starts with thinking about other people’s circumstances, understanding their pains and frustrations, and knowing that those emotions are every bit as real as our own. This helps you develop perspective, and opens you up to helping others, which also enhances your sense of gratitude.

Day 5: Discover your purpose and enjoy the journey.
Remind yourself frequently that the purpose of your life is not to work 10 hours per day, five days per week for 30 years, then retire to a golf course in Florida. Your true purpose should be to discover your calling in life, basking in the joy of the journey along the way, one step at a time. In the end, your legacy is left to these two questions:

· What impact did I make on the lives of others?

· Who did I serve and make better?

Day 6: Stop getting the attention and focus it on other people.
There’s something magical that happens when we let other people have the glory. Reading this may bruise your ego, but when we shine the spotlight on someone else and let that person be seen, heard, respected, and considered special–it becomes enjoyable to do so, and gives us a peaceful and quiet confidence.

Read more: How Mindfulness Meditation Can Improve Your Life in Just 3 Minutes a Day

Day 7: Give thanks. Your situation could be a lot worse.
I don’t care what religion you come from, start your day by thanking your higher power for the things you take for granted. As it turns out, if you make more than $30,000, you earn more than 53.2 percent of Americans. If you make more than $50,000, you earn more than 73.4 percent of Americans. Feeling grateful now? Say a little prayer and give thanks, and then pray for the other 73.4 percent.

Day 8: Exercise more of the P word.
Patience is a virtue I wish more people practiced. It helps you relax and rethink when things are snowballing out of control. Did that guy cut you off on the highway? Relax, take a deep breath, and consider that perhaps he’s rushing to the hospital with his wife in labor in the backseat. Patience helps you see the innocence in other people during those really frustrating moments when you’d like fist to meet wall.

Day 9: Be the first to reach out after an argument.
The tendency for so many of us is to let resentment fester after an argument or misunderstanding, and then cut off the person from our lives until he or she reaches out to us with an apology. It’s convenient. But it’s also just plain dumb. You lose a friendship, a family relationship, or great work connection because your ego has to have its way. Instead, be the first to reach out to make amends, even if you’re the one that has to apologize. That humble act will do wonders; the other person will soften, apologize, and allow you back into his or her life.

Day 10: Just. Say. No.
Truly happy people live a simple life. They have a simple schedule. They don’t take on more than they can handle. They live according to their values and purpose. They have strong boundaries around what comes into their life. And they have no problem saying no. If it doesn’t serve you, if it has little value, and if it doesn’t make you better tomorrow than you are today–just … say … no.

Day 11: React to good news with genuine enthusiasm.
Researchers call it active constructive responsiveness (ACR). If a friend or colleague shares good news (say, a promotion), there are many ways in which you could respond to this news. An ACR response might be, “That’s fantastic! I had no doubts the leadership team would recognize your hard work. Let’s celebrate and get some pizza and beer tonight.” An ACR response shares in people’s joy and excitement, and shows interest and curiosity. By doing so, you’ll maintain strong personal relationships and feel more positive.

Day 12: Be diligent.
Ever looked at an ant farm in action? Every single ant has amazing ambition and self-discipline. They are diligent! If you’re wondering, “Why do I slack off so much?” it may be time to take a long, hard look in the mirror. What’s keeping you from being diligent? Usually the first step of motivation is exactly that–just focus on the first step. Then, it’s one step at a time after that. But whatever you do, get off the couch, stop Snapchatting, and choose to be diligent today.

Day 13: Soak up the wisdom of another person.
If you’re a smart person (and I trust that you are since you’re reading this list), you want to view yourself as a small fish in the great big pond of life–seeking out connections to learn from. So who are the people of influence in your life? Invite one of them to coffee, and learn something new from this person. It will make you better, and he or she will appreciate the chance to pay it forward.

Day 14: Journal about three new things you are grateful for.
Psychologist Shawn Achor told Oprah that you train your brain to be optimistic if you do this for 21 days in a row: Each day, write down three new things you are grateful for.

Read more: How to Be Happy: 10 Science-Backed Ways to Become a Happier Person

Day 15: And while you’re at it, journal about one positive experience today.
Achor also told Oprah that if you spend two minutes daily journaling about one positive experience in the past 24 hours, it allows your brain to relive it, and teaches your brain that the behavior matters.

Day 16: Exercise for 15 minutes.
Achor also told Oprah that if you hate exercise, all it takes is 15 minutes of fun cardio activity, which is the equivalent of taking an antidepressant, but with a 30 percent lower relapse rate.

Day 17: Focus on your breathing.
Stop what you’re doing. Now breathe, and watch your breath go in and out for two minutes. Do this every day. This allows your brain to focus on one thing at a time. In Achor’s study, he says it will “raise accuracy rates, improve levels of happiness, and drop stress levels.”

Day 18. Express kindness through a text or email.
Take two minutes each day to write a positive email or text praising or thanking someone you know. And do it for a different person each day. Achor says people who do this become known as positive leaders with strong social connections–the greatest predictor of long-term happiness.

Day 19: Find something or someone that will make you laugh.
Humor helps you think more broadly and creatively. Psychologists had students solve puzzles after watching a clip of Robin Williams doing standup. Twenty percent more puzzles were solved by sudden insight from students who had watched comedy compared with students who had watched scary or boring videos beforehand. There are other benefits: Laughter releases endorphins into the body–a chemical 10 times more powerful than morphine–with the same exhilarating effect as an intense workout at the gym.

Day 20: Deal with a problem you’ve been neglecting.
So you’ve been putting off handling a difficult person or putting closure to something. By facing conflict and going through the eye of the storm, you’ll build resilience to deal with future problems seamlessly. Choosing to deal with the situation today will teach you to be more honest with yourself and others, give you the strength and openness to deal with problems quickly, and help you avoid procrastination.

Day 21: Do something fun.
Now that you’ve dealt with resolving a conflict, reward yourself with something fun. Science has found that people who have fun on the job are more creative and productive, make better decisions, and get along better with colleagues. Another study discovered that to unlock your creative potential, “go out and play” to lift your mood, and then come back to the problem.

Day 22: Build up your faith.
I don’t speak of religion. I speak of a faith—whatever your belief system—that comes from a deep spiritual connection with a power greater than yours. A power that extends you grace, forgiveness, love. It’s this faith that strengthens you and makes you endure your trials. A faith that helps you realize it’s no longer about you.

Day 23: Have lunch with someone, and listen to that person selflessly.
Give someone your full, undivided attention, and listen to his or her story. The best listeners, as I’ve written about before, have an uncanny ability to listen intuitively to the other person before responding. They listen with one modus operandi: How can I help the other person?

Day 24: Pursue an activity that brings you peace.
Get involved in an activity that’s enjoyable; something that will bring back that bounce in your step. What is it that you love to do? What brings you peace? Hint: Think hobbies, nature, friends, or exercise. I often take the lunch hour to swim, as it releases endorphins. What’s going to bring you peace?

Day 25: Look at people in the eye, smile, and say hello.
We live in such a fear-driven and insulated culture that we don’t even look people in the eye when we’re walking down the street, sitting in subway trains, or even when making our way through office hallways. Just for today, think of strangers as being a little more like you, and treat them with the kindness and respect they deserve: Look them softly in the eye, smile, and give a warm greeting.

Day 26: Take some quiet time alone to reflect.
For 30 to 60 minutes, remove yourself from the noise, clutter, distractions, screaming kids, and busyness of life. It helps to do it first thing after you wake up. Go out into the stillness of the morning, sit on a dock, under a large tree, or on a swing bench and meditate on the good things of life. Close your eyes, breathe through your stomach, and center yourself. Setting aside this little ritual makes the rest of your day seem manageable. You’ll notice a difference and a weight off your shoulders.

Day 27: Look at a situation by taking in the whole picture.
We call it self-awareness. It’s choosing to see two sides of an issue by tapping into our feelings and those of others for a different outcome. It helps us to respond instead of react to people. By redirecting negative thoughts and emphasizing positive ones, you can be the real you and enjoy interpersonal relationships much better.

Day 28: Reframe!
Do you ever hear that voice inside your head tell you things like, “I screwed up again. I’m worthless.” Or “I can’t do this. I’ve never been able to do it; it’s not going to work now.” This is negative self-talk and it can be toxic, as it reinforces irrational thoughts. Catch yourself in the act of using negative words or phrases and identify the triggers. Are demands at work piling up? Are things at home not so peachy? Stop your thought midstream by saying to yourself (or in your head), “Stop!” Then dig deep down inside yourself and reframe your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t necessarily? Stop and reframe, and see if you can come up with a neutral or positive replacement.

Read more: 7 Simple and Powerful Ways to Motivate Yourself, According to Science

Day 29: Readjust the strict rules you impose on yourself.
Are you a perfectionist? Identify one personal rule you live by that’s rigid, unfair or unhelpful. Then reword it to be more helpful, flexible, and forgiving. Then put your new rule into practice!

Day 30: Relax and be more spontaneous.
Doing both are really necessary for healthy living. So if you’re at work, take regular breaks: Stretch, do breathing exercises, go for a walk outside, take a 15-minute nap, play a game, or just enjoy yourself. Add spontaneity to your life by going on a date with your spouse to a new restaurant, stopping afterward to watch the sunset. And next week, think about picking up a new hobby. Surprise yourself!

Day 31: Spend some quality time with an elderly person.
Elderly people have a rich and long history full of stories, experiences and perspectives you’ve never thought of from simpler days gone by. There are many wins for you: It teaches you to be a better listener (day 23), builds up your patience (day 8) since elderly people typically speak slower, and you acquire new wisdom (day 13). They benefit from your attention (day 6), and kindness (day 18, 25).
Closing Thoughts
What would your life look like if you practiced some of these things every day, extending this plan beyond a 31-day cycle? It just might help you live the life you’ve always wanted rather than settling for whatever comes your way.
What will you do to live a more intentional life?

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Are You Driving Yourself Crazy?

Here I present a great article by D. Harrison, PhD.  It's a formula for driving yourself crazy.  Sadly, many of you reading this will undoubtedly be doing some of these very things.

Now, life in Fort Lauderdale and South Florida can be very hectic and stressful, and provide some - well, shall we say - less than healthy distractions.  And even if you've thought about mental health counseling, you may just as quickly have talked (or thought) yourself out of it.

So sit back, relax, and see if the following doesn't ring true with you.  Then, give a call and we'll talk about how to move in a good, orderly, not-crazy-making direction!

How to Drive Yourself Crazy

1. Save your major worries until about midnight, then start heavy thinking. Suggested topics include your age, losing your job, the mistake you made at work last week that they haven’t discovered yet, that suspicious wart you’ve had for five years, or radon in your basement. You can work up a good panic by 1 AM.

2. Keep an inventory of your faults. Ignore strengths. Focus only on your bad points. Try to select friends who will remind you of how awful you are. If you don’t have friends like this, you probably have some relative who can be counted on to point out your weaknesses.

3. Set unreasonable goals. No matter how much money you earn, remember there are others doing better. Try to name three of them, preferably younger and better looking than you. Think how others could do a better job.

4. When your children make mistakes, don’t accept it as part of growing up. View each situation as the first sign of impending moral decay, delinquency and a wasted life.

5. Put off everything until the last minute. In this way, you can create a sense of frenzy and chronic stress no matter how much time you had in the first place.

6. Aid and abet the creation of stress. Sleep as little as possible. Eat junk. Drink a lot of coffee. Never exercise if you can help it.

7. Never let others know how you feel or what you want. You shouldn’t have to tell them: they should be able to read your mind. If you assume this, you stand a good chance of feeling deprived.

8. Never trust anyone, particularly a counselor. Struggle with problems alone. If you feel the urge to confide in someone who seems to care, remind yourself that people are basically no good and are out only for themselves. Convince yourself that asking for help is a sign of weakness and that you can tough it out alone.

9. Never take a vacation. It’s a luxury you can’t afford, especially if you’re working up to a really good state of exhaustion.

If you follow this program, you have a good chance of feeling really rotten in no time at all!

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Talking to Your Child

How to to Help Your Child Listen and Follow Directions

1.  Get close to them and use their name to get their attention first.  It is not helpful to call from across the room.  For example, go up to your child and say, “Sally, I have something I need you to do.”  

2.  Once you have their attention and eye contact, give them the direction in an age-appropriate manner.  A three-year-old may not be able to do more than one step at a time.  You will likely be able to give your twelve-year-old 3 directions at a time.  For example, “Get dressed, eat breakfast, and go wait for the bus.”  

3.  Give directions with a calm, but serious voice.  Yelling will likely escalate your child, and this will not help them to be cooperative.  But you also want them to know that you are not joking around.

4.  Give directions in a positive manner.  Tell them what TO DO, instead of what NOT to do.  For example, say, “Walk, please,” instead of “Don’t run.”  Also, be descriptive so that they know exactly what you expect.  Instead of saying, “Be good,” which is very vague, say something like, “Put your hands on your lap and sit on your bottom.”  

5.  DO NOT ask a question when giving a direction.  Do NOT say, “Do you want to clean your room?” if this is not something that they can say no to.  Also, do NOT say, “It’s time to do your homework, okay?”  The okay and question at the end implies that it is up to them to decide.  

6. Provide two acceptable choices, such as, “You can eat breakfast or get dressed.  Which would you like to do first?”  You can even start by saying, “You have a choice!”  

7. Empathize with them if your child complains about what you asked them to do.  “I know you are having fun playing and don’t want to stop.”  “I understand that you don’t like cleaning your room.”  

8.  Give them something to look forward to after completing the task.  “As soon as you are finished putting away the dishes, you can go outside and play.”  

9.  Help them if the task is difficult, while still making sure they are doing their part.  “I will help you clean your room.  Would you like to put away your clothes or your toys?”  Then you can put away what they do not choose.         

10.  If nothing is working, tell them about the consequence if they do not complete the task.  Try to make it a natural consequence.  A natural consequence is something that would happen naturally as a result.  It also helps to give them a time frame.  For example, “If you do not get dressed before we leave for school, you will go to school in your pajamas.”  “If you do not put on your coat, you will be cold.”  Or if there is no natural consequence, try to make it related to the task.  “If you do not clean your room before bed time, I will take away those toys that are not cleaned up.”

11.  Enforce the time limit and the consequence.  It is important that your child knows that you mean business when you tell them something.  If you give in or do not follow through, they will learn that they can test you because they do not always have to do what you tell them.

12.  Children behave best when they are feeling loved.  Make sure that you spend plenty of positive, fun time with them. 

From Maesk Group Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - The Stress Free Life

This article originally was published by Captain Paul Watson on his Facebook page.  You may remember him from the TV show "Whale Wars."  He is a truly inspirational man who has lived his life consistent with his beliefs and values.  In short, he has made a difference.  His article on the stress-free life is one of the best I have read on stress, enjoyment of life and mindfulness.  Enjoy.

Stress kills Mindfulness. Here are Ten Things you can do to avoid it.

Observations and Advice by Captain Paul Watson

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time."
– T.S. Elliot

I am often asked how I deal with stress considering I’m wanted by Japan and Costa Rica, I have a price on my head from the shark fin mafia of Costa Rica, we have numerous ships on the sea in dangerous campaigns, I am being sued, threatened and harassed continuously and I have a lot of enemies, critics and people who wish me harm.

The answer to this is simple. I don’t deal with stress, because I do not suffer from stress. And these are ten primary reasons why, and for anyone suffering from anxiety, worry or stress, I would like to offer this advice.  The ten primary reasons why I don't suffer from stress:

1. It is what it is. Whatever the issue, whatever the threat, whatever the circumstances it simply is what it is. Stressing will not change the situation. All problems can be dealt with or ignored.

2. “It’s always something.” I say this all the time to my crews whenever a problem arises. “It’s always something and if it’s not something, it’s something else, but it is always something.” This means that life comes with obstacles, challenges and problems. Problems should not be unexpected. They are inevitable. All problems can be dealt with by dealing with them, delegating someone else to deal with them, or ignoring them. One thing for sure, on a ship, it is definitely always something.

3. Stay calm. There really is nothing worth getting upset about. For example, if I drop a bottle of wine or tomato sauce and it shatters, my reaction is, “hmmm okay, that needs cleaning up.” If I lose my phone, wallet or keys, my reaction is “I better replace what I lost and take measures to cancel my cards etc. More seriously when my regulator jammed once at 30 meters, I calmly signaled my partner to indicate my situation. Fretting about it will not recover the object. Panicking will not save your life. Anger emanates from stress. Without stress there can be no anger. Without stress there is no panic.

4. Nothing material is permanent and thus objects are not worth stressing about. Your car is damaged, something you own is stolen, or you lost your investments etc. It is really not important. Material objects and comforts are nice but they should not be anchors keeping you attached to stress. Move on.

5. Friends are friends or they are not. A true friend will never betray you and if a “friend” does betray you than he/she is simply not a friend. Always walk away from betrayal and do not stress about it. True and loyal friends are rare treasures and should be treated as such. Loyalty returns loyalty. Compassion returns compassion. Courage returns courage. However you control only your own loyalty, compassion and courage, not that of others. And if they prove disloyal or they betray you, the treasure is no longer a treasure but merely a bauble to be tossed aside. Never stress about betrayal or loss. It is what it is. And if you’ve been betrayed once by someone, do not allow yourself to be betrayed again by that same person.

6. Loneliness is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to discover yourself. You can’t find someone to love you if you don’t love yourself, and the secret to finding the right person is to not look for that person. Love should blossom from the ground like a lovely wild flower. It cannot be cultivated until after it is realized. Do not seek the seed but let the flower reveal an opportunity to you to grow and learn.

7. Relationships are like streams, constantly flowing and as they flow they meet obstacles. Some are minor and others major but a relationship either flows around the obstacle or it is blocked, and if permanently blocked, it ends. This is not cause for stress or angry, resentment or jealously. It is what it is. Move on with appreciation and without bitterness for the relationship that is no more, and open your heart to other possibilities that life presents. The most important factor in maintaining a meaningful relationship with lovers, family or friends is simply acceptance. You need to accept them for who they are and they need to accept you for who you are. If you cannot accept another person for who they are, you need to stop inflicting stress on that person and to walk away. And if another person does not accept you for who you are, you need to walk away no matter the nature of the relationship. Stress kills and living with a person who does not accept you for who you are is like living with a person who is slowly killing you.

8. Fear is a poison that seeps into the soul and paralyzes our senses generating paranoia, insecurity and anger. Never let fear enter your life. There is really nothing to fear because things are what they are and will be what they will be. Remember you are the captain of your fate and the master of your soul and body. Who you are and what you wish to be depends on you and you alone. A person free of fear can accomplish far more than a person shackled to fear.

9. Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worst than being talked about was not being talked about. People talk, they gossip, they make false accusations, some enjoy insulting and belittling others. They are easily dealt with by ignoring them. Responding to them is what they want, so don’t respond. Reacting to them is what they want, so don’t react. Such people are not worthy of causing stress to you. They come from a place of insecurity, jealously and fear. It is their stress, and their stress is their problem. It should not be yours.

10. Hoka Hey. It’s a good day to die. It’s a Lakota saying and it means to not fear death and to stand firm for what you believe in, to fight against all odds and to never surrender. The one absolute of life is death. We all will die. What matters is not dying but living. It is how you live that is important and the only thing important about dying is how you die. It should be a death without fear, with dignity and with acceptance that it is what it is. The person without fear dies but once, the person shackled by fear dies slowly from stress and anxiety. Accept the inevitable, embrace the final reality of life and smile in the face of the infinite. The real secret to happiness is to not fear your own death, to not fear failure or ridicule, and not to fear others.

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness and an impediment to impeccability. Stress is the cause of migraines, cancer and many other ailments. It is the reason people smoke, take drugs, and drink excessively. When people ask me why I’ve never smoked anything, the reason being is that I have never felt inclined to do so. It never seemed healthy to me and I have always been mindful of the consequences. I think that stress blocks mindfulness of consequences. The same holds true to getting drunk or stoned. Without stress there is no need, nor a desire to do either.

Mindfulness is simply awareness of who you are and what you are doing. A person who is mindful is a person free of stress.

Depending upon luxuries leads to stress

Unfulfilled desire leads to stress. Wanting nothing allows you to appreciate what you have. When you want nothing, you want for nothing. We all have basic needs for food, for warmth and shelter, for clothing and for companionship. Mindfulness allows you to be secure with your basic needs. Everything else is a luxury and although luxuries may be appreciated, you should not depend upon them. Depending upon luxuries leads to stress.

I have never worked a day in my life for the sole purpose of making money. I have never wanted to own anything and although I now do own property and material things, I do not allow those things to own me. I never engage in arguments about money or debts. I tend to avoid debts but when debts occur my position is that they are what they are and certainly not anything to be troubled with.

As far as basic needs, I learned to address this as a teenager when I left home at 15. I had no money, no place to stay, no prospects. I jumped a freight train, rode in the automobiles being transported from Toronto all the way to Vancouver. I arrived and camped in the abandoned gun towers on Wreck Beach and the first thing I did was to go to Vancouver City College to enroll. I found a job, moved out of the gun tower into a single room I rented and went from there. Looking back I see it as an adventure. I had nothing, but there was no stress. I simply reframed the insecurity of my position into an adventurous experience. I treated every job as a learning experience and working as a longshoreman, teamster, tree planter, warehouse man, short order cook, baker, painter, carpet layer, postman, tour guide, landscaper, and seaman all were educational experiences.

Life is an adventure, death is inevitable

The truth is that all of life is an adventure, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the experiences, the hardships, the thrills and the times that were lonely, happy or difficult. Even the loss of friends and family is simply dealt with by acknowledging that death is as it is. It is inevitable and although we may sincerely mourn we can do so without being stressed. This may be difficult to understand but it is indeed quite possible. With the passing of every friend, with the passing of my brother I have silently said “Good-bye” with the appreciation of having known them.

I have gone into situations many times where the risks of injury, death or imprisonment were practically a certainty. My approach has always been acceptance. And amazingly I am still alive and still free. When I have had nothing I have had everything I need, and when I have risked all, I have usually been successful. One of the things that concerns me is when I read about, or hear of people, especially young people committing suicide because of bullying. I wish that I could talk to such people before they make such a terminal decision. I would tell them to not let the insecurities and fears of others influence them in any way. I would tell them to accept that all the ridicule, insults, bullying and peer pressure is irrelevant and simply unimportant to who they are. If a parent is unaccepting of who you are, you need to say to them that if you are unacceptable to them they have no right to be your parent and you should walk away from them. Too many people are enslaved to parents, partners and friends who do not accept them.

Unacceptance and bullying are forms of violence and everyone should walk away from violence with dignity. No one should tell you what to believe, how to think, how to dress, how to behave or to dictate your sexual orientation or condemn you for your compassion, your passion, your imagination and your character. You are who you are and that is what it is, and how it should be, and if others do not tolerate who you are, don’t give them the satisfaction of destroying you. Simply symbolically spit in their eye, walk away and concentrate on being who you are for the benefit of yourself.

And if anyone is inclined to commit suicide my advice is to commit social suicide instead. That is, to drop out of your life as it is and begin another life, in another place with new ideas. Adventure is the antidote for depression. Take a chance, jump into the unknown and you will be amazed at what is awaiting you after you do.

I am not infallible. I have made mistakes in my life, many of them. I have at times in the past responded with anger although rarely physical and limited to the poison of the pen. I have let some people down, disappointed others and missed opportunities. But the one thing that I have been able to do in my life is to avoid stress.

At 64, I am healthy, happy, optimistic, and as passionate as I ever have been. Even more so because I have had the grace of experience and the satisfaction of achievement in those areas that I chose to address.

The point of this posting is this: Do not let stress ruin your health, your love or your life. Dreadnaught and live the adventure, this adventure that is life. It may well be the only life you will ever have. Even if you believe in the afterlife (oh and don’t stress about that either) the fact is you will never know for sure, so no sense wasting the unique life that you have.

A stress free life is not only possible, it’s also essential for your health and your happiness.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Depression Therapy

If you are suffering from depression, and are interested in depression therapy or counseling in the Fort Lauderdale area, this article is for you.

It is estimated that two-thirds of people in the U.S. suffering from depression never seek treatment.  That seems strange given that of those who do get help, 80 percent find a noticeable improvement in their symptoms within a few weeks.  Lack of knowledge about treatment options  and stigma are two of the reasons why people tend not to seek help.  

So, we already know that depression therapy works.  Here are some other facts:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective tool for addressing depression.  It involves working with a professional (therapist) to identify thought and behaviour patterns that are contributing to become depressed, or stopping you from getting better when you are depressed.

• Depression is often masked as anxiety.  The proper diagnosis is therefore important as it has an implication for treatment options.

• Depression distorts your thinking.  It can tell you "my depression isn't really that bad," or "I'm just sad like everyone else is once in a while."  Trust your gut.  If you feel something isn't right, i.e. you might be suffering from depression then you probably are.

• Therapy will help you regain control and get pleasure back in your life as you learn effective coping skills.

Finally, you didn't choose to become depressed, but you do have a choice about what to do now. Contact Maesk Group Counseling to set an appointment, and get on the path to start living again.  You owe it to yourself to feel better!!